


How To Herd Self Sacrificing Dumb Ass Cats

by storywriter8



Series: Because Snow Leopards [2]
Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Bear Rhodey, Bearded Steve Rogers, Bucky is Reckless, Crack, Cuddling & Snuggling, Even More Stubborn Bucky And Steve, Family, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Getting Together, Green Paint Grenades, Hawk Clint, Hawk Clint Barton, Idiots in Love, James "Rhodey" Rhodes is a Good Bro, M/M, Minor Angst, Multi, Mutual Pining, Pining, Reckless Cooking Without a Recipe, Shifters, Siamese Tony, Snow Leopard Steve, Squishing Universes Together, Stubborn Tony, Swearing, Wolf Bucky, but what else is new, electroshock, mentions of torture, more tags to come, snake loki
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-26
Updated: 2019-02-14
Packaged: 2019-08-29 15:00:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 11,821
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16746220
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/storywriter8/pseuds/storywriter8
Summary: Sequel to Tail Bite.Its been about a month since Bucky and Steve were reunited and while they are making progress towards happiness, Congress and a certain Siamese who is incapable of believing that the lovers out of time could possibly be flirting with him, seem to be determined to disagree.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Mirabitur](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mirabitur/gifts).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really didn't intend to make a sequel buuuuut SOMEONE had to go and make me some beautiful fanart along with filling my head with new ideas sooooooo here we are!
> 
> I own nothing Marvel

“You're leaving me in charge?!” Tony hissed, eyes bugging out as he stared at Steve.

“Just for a few hours” Steve whispered back. “I don't want the investigators in the tower so I have to go to them to debrief.” 

Tony turned his head to glance at Bucky out of the corner of his eye. While the soldier was calmly reading on the living room couch for now, who knew what would happen after Steve left.

“Make Clint do it! I have…. Stuff.” Tony whined.

Sam carefully wrapped a coat around Steve's shoulders and tucked one of the sleeves around the sling that held his still injured arm. “Clint is in Sokovia. He’ll be home soon but you’re just going to have to suffer until then. Please Tones.”

Tony groaned, resolve crumbling at the nickname.

Mouthing thank you, Steve walked around the couch to kiss Bucky goodbye.

Tony's mouth crumpled more watching them but fell into a full on scowl when Bucky waiting till after Steve had left the room to reach up and massage his left shoulder.

“I'm fine” Bucky called out, feeling Tony's disapproving glares.

“You better not come crying to me when your skeletal system has gone to shit carrying that heavy ass thing around.” Tony yelled back, propping up his tablet with an apple and opening his research into prosthetics. 

The stubborn soldier had refuses help at every turn insisting that he didn't want Tony to waste more time on him. He had finally shut up when Tony pointed out how many people would benefit from an advancement in prosthetics. Unfortunately, it was only a minor success on Tony's part as Bucky had immediately switched to denying any and all pain his arm was most definitely giving him.

Tony quickly got lost in synapses and nerve endings and nearly jumped out of his skin when a heavy hand dropped onto his shoulder.

“Dinner.” Bucky said, as if he were repeating himself.

Tony stared at the wolf shifter blankly

Smiling slightly and shaking his head, Bucky jerked his thumb towards the kitchen. “I'm making dinner do you want any?”

Tony nodded, heart still racing, and followed Bucky back into the kitchen.

A pot filled with pasta simmered on the stove while shrimp and vegetables sat in small bowls waiting to be chopped. 

“Holy crap” slipped between Tony's lips at the sight. “I was not expecting this. I mean, Cap sets stuff on fire when he tries boiling water!”

Bucky laughed, a deep sound that vibrates in Tony's chest. “Grate the cheese” He called, twirling a knife absentmindedly as he checked the linguine.

Tony shut his hanging jaw and moved to his designated station. He began grating the Parmesan but quickly found himself hypnotized by Bucky.

He moved completely at ease, his knife just a blur as his fingers carefully flickered around, feeding the ingredients through. Snapping the knife down one last time he swept everything into a wok tony hadn't even seen him pick up. Sizzling and delicious smells filled the air as Bucky tossed everything in the wok with one hand and lifting the pasta out and into a warm bowl with the other.

Tony came to the shocking realization that he was drooling all over Captain America's boyfriend when he ran out of cheese to grate and got his thumb instead.

“Son of a fuck!” He yelped, jerking away from the counter and clutching his bleeding digit.

Pushing the pans off the heat, Bucky snatched up a towel and stalked toward the genius.

Tony's ear were pressed flat against his head, fangs nipping at his lower lip and swaying in small circles to try and distract himself from the pain.

“Let me.” Bucky murmured, prying Tony's bloody fingers apart.

“I'm fine.” Tony quipped, doing his best self-sacrificing idiot impression.

Bucky’s blue eyes were suddenly very close to Tony as they clouded over and turned to liquid gold. The wolf shifter bent slightly and slipped Tony's sliced thumb between his lips to lap gently at with his tongue. 

The ding of the elevator might as well have been mortar going off as Tony ripping himself away from Bucky and buried him thumb in the towel.

Clint poked his head out of the elevator and took in the scene with a cruel delight. “Are we interrupting?” He leered.

“Yes, now I have to de-thaw more shrimp.” Bucky grumbled, walking to the refrigerator and glaring at the interior of the freezer like he was going to tie it to a chair and interrogate it.

“Please and thank you.” Clint sang, turning and pulling at the hands of two strangers who had been in the elevator with him, followed by Vision. “Better make it for five more though, these kids eat more than Thor.” 

“I highly doubt that.” Tony commented, eyeing the new comers.

The girl held tight to Vision’s hand while keeping Clint between herself and the rest of the room. The boy held his head high and eyed the room like it was challenging him while keeping his free hand tucked into the girl's jacket pocket.

“Wanda, Pietro. Tony, Bucky.” Clint said, releasing the boy and girl to gesture at everyone in the room. 

Tony offered what he hoped was a welcoming smile with his nerves frayed as they were.

Bucky only offered a frown and closed the freezer.

Glancing at each other, Wanda and Pietro moved closer to each other before murmuring quietly.

Tony could only just hear enough to realize they were speaking in Russian before the snarl cut across everything.

Bucky had falling into a half shift and dropped into a fighters crouch, snatching the knife off the counter before leaping over it entirely, towards the new comers.

Letting out a string of curses that would shock any self-respecting listeners, Tony threw himself forward, still half shifted, and latched onto Bucky's chest.

“Nope! Nonono! Not today! No thanks!” He yelled while crawling under Bucky's arm and onto his back as the wolf shifter struggled to rid himself of the cat.

Locking his arms and legs around the soldier, Tony began purring. His purr was nowhere near the depth and volume of Steve's but he hoped it would bring Bucky far enough out to realize what he was doing.

Miraculously, it worked.

A few moments of Tony's quiet hum and Bucky dropped the knife before slowly sinking to his knees. He was panting and with a shiver, he fall all the way into his wolf form. 

Silver white fur rubbed gently at Tony's cheek as he carefully let go. Bucky didn't move so Tony kicked the knife towards Clint before draping himself more comfortably and resuming his quiet purrs.

A few hours later Steve and Sam arrived home to find every single one of the avengers curled up and around a white wolf and a Siamese shifter in the middle of the floor.

“Dare we ask?” Sam grumbled, helping Steve out of his coat.

“Well, we added the entirety of the Russian language to Barnes’s No-no List.” Clint said from his spot half shifted on Pietro's chest, one wing spread out over Bucky and the other over Wanda who was happily tucked into Vision’s arms.

“Then Thor showed up and decided that Tony and Bucky needed cuddle company.” Bruce continued, tugging Natasha closer as she spooned him.

“Someone finish the food.” Loki griped half shifted from Thor's arms, acting as if he didn't enjoy the blonde’s fingers gently tracing his scales.

Steve turned and gave Sam his best pouty kitty eyes until he was waved away to join the pile. Stepping carefully the leopard shifter settled down next to his wolf boyfriend and hummed happily as the great white head was placed on his chest while reaching out to gently scratch the Siamese genius's ears.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HOPE YOU ENJOYED!
> 
> This is going to be a bit jumbled since I lack a cohesive outline but there will be plenty of fluff!
> 
> Chatting with the Void on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/KnockoutRambles)  
> 


	2. Chapter 2

“I'm not avoiding them.” Tony muttered, readjusting the magnificent on his glasses as he soldered another link in arm prototype 18.

Rhodey slowly blink before turning as the door behind them opened. “Hey, Barnes!”

He turned back as the soldering iron clattered to the table.

An extremely upset Siamese cat glared up at Rhodey from the floor as Clint walked up and lifted it onto the table. “Still avoiding them huh.” Clint said, leaning on one elbow.

Tony began howling at the both of them. 

It was totally unfair. 

After calming Bucky down from the whole Russian incident, Tony had quickly shoved the super soldiers together and bowed the fuck out. He was not going to be the one that broke up the romantic story of the millennia. 

Tony had done his damnedest to squash the feelings for Steve that had begun to crop up after he had discovered the truth about his and Bucky's relationship. He had been more than happy to let Steve come to him, if that was what Cap wanted. 

Then, out of the mists of time, Bucky had come back. 

Once again, Tony was happy to leave well enough alone, but this time it was the quiet kindness of Bucky that had him struggling to do the right thing.

Slumping down on the cool metal tabletop, Tony let his yowls fade to forlorn merps.

“Maybe I should just ripped them to pieces and just be done with it.” Rhodey said, letting his bear growl rumble up.

Clint shook his head and scooped Tony up into his arms. “Come on silly kit kit. I fix this, yes I will, yes I will.” 

Tony treated Clint to his most withering look but allowed the hawk shifter to carry him upstairs. He became far less compliant upon realizing just what Clint had planned.

“Tony's being sulky, deal with it.” Clint grumbled, carefully detaching Tony's claws from his sleeves and dropping him into Steve's arms.

The leopard shifter rolled his eyes but began stroking Tony's fur. “Well that makes two of them. Bucky's been screaming 'I’m bored’ every five minutes.”

Bucky growled and tugged Steve's tail around his neck. “You would be bored too if you were stuck in doors all day, every day, for the last two months!”

“Until Congress pulls their heads out of their asses and decides that trying to prosecute you would be a waste of their time, you’re staying in the tower.” Steve recited dryly, twitching the tip of his tail.

Tony tuned the both of them out as he watched the fluffed up tip of Steve's tail move back and forth, back and forth. Feeling eyes on him, he glancing up into Bucky's bright blues. They stared at each other for a moment before Bucky winked. Losing all self control, Tony launched himself out of Steve's arms to pounce. Wrestling fiercely with the tail, that was nearly as big as himself, Tony found himself belly up, mouth full of tail, with Captain America staring at him in mock horror while the Winter Soldier rolled around on the ground laughing.

“Alright, that it!” Steve said, detaching Tony from his tail and standing with him. “Get your ass shifted too Barnes, we're going for a walk.”

Bucky brightened immediately and shifted, bouncing up and down as Steve came out of his shift and walked towards the elevator. 

And that was how Tony found himself tucked into Captain America's jacket as he jogged after a fully shifted Winter Soldier around Central Park. 

Only one person tried to walk up to Steve and tell him that his dog needed to be on a leash. Whether it was the blood curdling growl that Bucky let out at their approach or the 'please fuck with me, I could uses the exercise’ face that Steve projected, Tony didn't care to ask. 

Tony also didn’t feel like asking if Steve was purposely running like a weirdo to keep his steps from jostling the cat in his shirt. It felt too good to be burrito-ed next to the blonde’s chest so he could hear the gentle thump of his heart while the smooth rock of each step lulled the genius to sleep.

“Bucky, Bucky stop. Oh my gosh, look at him.” Steve called, keeping his voice low and he slowed to a stop. 

Bending one knee as the wolf came loping back to him, Steve showed Bucky the cat in his shirt, fast asleep and snuggled into his chest with one paw over his eyes. 

Bucky let out a muted whine and buried his snout between Steve’s arm and chest.

“I know, he's going to be the death of me too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I'M DOING! hopefully that's entertaining for y'all.
> 
> Chatting with the Void on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/KnockoutRambles)  
> 


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THIS IS WHY YOU DON'T PUT IDEA IN MY HEAD! THIS DAMN THING IS GOING TO HAVE 8 CHAPTERS AT THIS RATE!
> 
> Not that its isn't fun to write or anything but seriously 8 chapters from a weird little one shot that I wrote for no good reason?????

“I think I’m falling for Tony.”

“Thats nice, Buck.”

Bucky glared up at Steve from his position, flopped over his boyfriend’s lap. The pair had been moving from couch to couch in the main living area of the tower chasing the low winter sun rays across the room. Such moments of quiet and solitude had grown few and far apart with the Avengers family growing in leaps and bounds lately. Winter break would start in a few days and the tower would be overrun with the spider-gang who would no doubt invite Wade, Wakanda’s princess and Scott’s daughter over for a huge celebratory sleepover that would last nearly a week.

But for now, it was just the two of them; Steve with his nose in a sketchpad, silver ears flicking occasionally as he purred quietly while Bucky switched between flexing his newly discovered cooking abilities and catching up on the great works of literature he had missed in the last 70 years.

Giving a great sigh, Bucky rolled over onto his back, folded his hands and waiting for his statement to sink in.

Abruptly, Steve stopped purring and turned bright red.

Smirking, Bucky took away the pad and sat up to straddle Steve’s lap. “I think I love Tony. And you, just in case that dumb brain of yours starts panicking.”

“Are you sure?”

Bucky flopped sideways onto the couch and waved at the ceiling. “How can I not? He's so cute! And kind and forgiving and.” Words failed him and he groaned loudly, grinding the heels of his palms into his eyes.

“And so willing to help but so adamant on never receiving any, ever, because WHY would Anyone Ever WANT to show kindness to him.” Steve muttered, still blushing and picking at the hem of his shirt.

Bucky bolted upright. “I know right! Quit being a martyr and let me make you a fucking sandwich!” he all but yelled, flinging an arm into the air.

“Right?!” Steve hollered back then began laughing.

Grinning, Bucky pressed his forehead against Steve’s “I’ve already got my excuse, what's yours?”

“You.” The blonde murmured, running a hand through Bucky’s long locks. “I got sent to DC before I could do anything and then everything got complicated.”

Bucky snorted. “Apparently I have a type. I was gonna share you with Carter back in the day anyways, at least with Tony I get something out of the deal.”

Flicking his tail across Bucky’s nose Steve smiled. “Oh really? And what exactly is your type?”

Bucky let out a long sighed and let himself sink back onto Steve’s lap, pushing the blonde down so he could wrap his arms around him. “Self-Sacrificing, Dumbass, Cat.”

“And don't you forget it.” Steve said, purring loudly again as he bent forward and pressed a kiss to Bucky’s lips then sighed. “If only we could figure out how to tell Tony that we love him that he would actually believe.”

The faint ding of the elevator had them both glancing up as Tony walked into the room, hands shoved into his pants pockets.

“Hey Tones, we were just talking about you.” Steve crooned as Bucky gave the Siamese shifter his best bedroom eyes.

Tony didn't smile.

Steve took a second look and a lump began forming in his throat. “Isn't that your Congress suit?”

Tony said nothing and Steve clutched tighter at Bucky. “No.” Steve whispered, voice thick and trembling.

“We’ve been called to Washington.” Tony murmured, licking his cracked lips.

All light and life drained from Bucky as he went limp in Steve’s grip. “They're going to lock me away again.”

The snarl that ripped from Tony's chest would have frightened even the most battle hardened purple space aliens as he spat through his fangs. “Over my dead body!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes.  
> I did make that joke.  
> Deal with it.
> 
> Is a short chapter, but I had to set up for the ANGST CHAPTER!
> 
> Chatting with the Void on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/KnockoutRambles)  
> 


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I know very, very, little about criminal law so I dun wanna hear about how not accurate this chapter is. 
> 
> Also, READ. SLOWLY. I am going into super study cram mode and wont be updating for at least a week

The trial was going well.

Ish.

Tony threw back his espresso and wished it were vodka. He had made it his mission to arrive before everyone so he could project a holier than thou attitude at the jackasses who had the balls to try and throw Bucky in prison.

Steve walked through the dark wood doors and Tony forgot how to breath for a moment. 

I really wasn't fair.

A few weeks ago Steve had been thrown out of the courtroom after trying to deck the prosecutor for comparing Barnes’s youthful indiscretions of rumored under-aged drinking and womanizing to the shining pure star that was Captain America. 

He had been allowed to return a few days later, sporting the damn fine beginnings of a beard. Steve had said it was his own little form of protest and the Stark lawyers and PR reps, in their infinite cleverness, turned it to their advantage and began parading him around, showing the world the real human Steve Rogers that had been hidden beneath the smile he kept on for the cameras.

The public was loving it.

And, unfortunately, so was Tony.

“Morning.” Steve murmured, his fingers catching at the side of Tony’s hand.

There were dark circles under the blonde’s eyes, his tie was far from straight and Tony loved it. Steve looked like Steve and not the image of perfection Tony had found himself compared to, every chance his father got, growing up. 

‘Stucky, Stucky, Stucky, Steve and Bucky and not Tony. Doing this for Stucky.’ The genius chanted in his head as he fixed Steve’s tie and tutted over the windblown golden tresses.

“What the hell is he smiling about?” Steve’s hushed growl bringing Tony out of his ogling.

The prosecutor, a weasley man who seemed to revel in the pain he was caused, had a stuck up little smile plastered across his oily face.

“Maybe he found another lesbian couple you guys took on a fake date he thinks he can trick into saying that Bucky raped them.” Tony said, causing a slight smile to return to Steve’s eyes.

“That was pretty damn funny.” Steve murmured, leaning into Tony.

The judge and jury entered then and Steve was shooed away to his seat behind the defendant's side of the courtroom, which suddenly felt like a meat locker to Tony with the loss of the blonde’s body heat.

Five hours of arguing, a lunch break, eight more espressos and the prosecutor finally got around to what he had been snootily smiling about all day as an aid hurried into the room and handed him a flash drive.

“Your honor, I would like to submit the following footage into evidence.” He called, standing up and holding the flash drive for all to see. “Recovered in a recent raid of a abandoned hydra base in Siberia.”

“A raid? Why weren't we told about this?” Tony hissed to his lawyer.

The prosecutor turned from where he was plugging the flash drive into the flat screen positioned to one side of the room so all could see it. “I think Mr. Stark will find this especially interesting.”

A rock came crashing down into the pit of Tony’s stomach and he lept to his feet, mouth open to object as the screen flickered to life. All he could do was stared at the screen, the car crash, the worst night of his life, as the silence of the room pressed down on his lungs and heart. Tony flinched as the winter soldier’s fist slammed into his father. His fingers curling to fists in time with the fingers closing around his mother’s throat. Bit his lip as the bullet cut off the footage. 

He didn't look at Steve, he couldn't bare to see the conflicted pain that would be there.

“This footage is undeniable proof, Barnes is a killer, he killed your family, his own friend, in cold blood.” The snake purred, strutting across the floor towards Tony. “You of all people should be calling for his head.”

Tony took a breath, his voice coming out blessedly steady. “I move to strike that footage from the record.” 

Murmurs rippled through the courtroom as the judge stated at him. “On what grounds?”

“Relevance.” Tony spat, pushing his chair back to walk around the table. “That,” he pointed at the footage of Bucky’s pointing a gun at the camera. “Is the Winter Soldier, Not Sargent Barnes. And since you have failed so spectacularly to show the court anything that Sergeant Barnes has actually done, please allow me to show you.”

Grabbing his tablet off the table Tony tapped it a few times before making a throwing gesture towards the screen. The image of Bucky was replaced by a blue screen and scrolling text. Tony drew in one last breath and turned to look at Steve.

The blonde’s mouth was open, eyes awash with helplessness and grief.

‘I’m sorry’ Tony mouthed, letting the air fall from his lungs as he pressed play.

A new video came to life along with a scream that filled the stuffy air of the courtroom. 

Steve flinched, pulling away from the horrible sound he would know anywhere.

The video showed a man strapped into a chair as electricity ripped through his body. Finally, it cut off and a new man walked into the frame. “Attempt 314, failed.”

A cracked laugh came from between Sergeant James Buchanan Barnes’s lips. “You know what they say, 315 is the charm.”

The man shook his head, grabbed Bucky by his hair and hauled him upright. “It's been 30 years, no one is coming for you. What possible reason could you have to resist us.”

Ice blue eyes rolled to glare up at the man. “I came here to drink cheep whiskey and kill Nazis, and I ain’t out of Nazis yet.”

The man throws Bucky back against the chair and pulls a pistol to point at him. “Perhaps you would rather be reunited with your dear Captain America”

Bucky blinked, eyes growing distant as his brow furrowed. “Who?”

The gun is lowered and the man turns to walk away, showing the satisfied smile now playing about his cruel face. “Again.”

The scream starts again, echoing and filling the room till it pushed and crashed against the walls and windows demanded to be let out and fill the world with the sounds of the lost soldier’s pain.

Tony waited till Steve ripped his tear filled eyes away from the screen before pressing pause. A small swell of smug satisfaction at seeing the shocked and horrified faces around him bubbled up against the guilt in Tony’s chest of putting Bucky’s pain on display for a bunch of people who had never seen his gentle smile that just refused to dim under the weight of 70 years of hell.

“I think that's enough for today.” The judge murmured, finally breaking the silence.

Tony let his tablet clatter on the table as he sank into his chair and pressed his hands into his eyes. The noise and movement blurred around him and when he finally lowered his hands the room was empty.

Empty save for the guilt ridden blonde standing with the setting sun filtering around his form.

“Tony.” Steve's voice was shaking as his shoulders slouched impossibly lower. “I -”

“I already knew.” Tony said, cutting Steve off. 

Steve actually took a step back in shock and Tony stood to lean against the table.

“Bucky told me, about a day and a half after you woke up. Not before putting a gun in my hand of course.” Tony explained.

“A gun?!” Steve gasped.

Tony looked down at his hands, still shaking. “Part of me wanted to pull the trigger.” He whispered.

A breath puffed against his cheek and he looked up at Steve, just inches away. “Why didn't you? Why are you helping us now?”

Tony almost didn't trust himself to answer. “He deserves happiness. You both deserve happiness. And I will do whatever it takes to protect that happiness.”

The kiss caught Tony by surprise and he shifted right there, in Steve’s arms.

Steve wound his fingers through the dark tresses hair and traced the black ears with just the tips of his finger. Soft and gentle the captain stole every last ounce of breath from Tony’s lungs before finally pulling away. 

“That one, was from Bucky.” He purred, shifting and entwining his and Tony’s tails together.

Taking one step forward and reaching down, Steve lifted the flabbergasted genius onto the table with one arm. “This one, is from me.”

Tony get out a weak mep. Steve kissed like he fought, strategically making Tony lose his mind. He lost track of Steve’s hand as their tongues curled together only to find them rucking up his shirt before losing them again as the leopard shifter nipped at his lips.

“Wow I feel bad about interrupting.” Bucky’s voice called.

Tony would have lept about three feet if Steve didn't have him pinned nearly flat against the table.

“You better have given him a kiss from me before you got all grabby!” Bucky grumbled, pouting up at Steve from the screen of Tony’s tablet.

“I did, he's still cognitive so obviously I didn't do your technique justice.” Steve purred, moving to nip along Tony’s neck.

Bucky tutted and shook his head before waving a hand as Tony lifted the tablet to eye level. “Anyway, Quick question, going to sound weird but just go with it. Do we have a flamethrower in the tower?”

“What?” Both men asked, giving the tablet their full attention.

There was a bang from behind Bucky and he turned his head to look at something off camera.

“No luck on giant fans but we found a box of repulsor grenades, will they work?” Asked a gruff voice neither Steve nor Tony recognized.

“Fuck yeah they will! Let's do this!” Bucky shouted to the unseen man.

“Barnes!” Steve snapped.

“Gotta go, love you both, bye!” Bucky yelled before ending the call.

Steve and Tony looked at each other.

“Quinjet?”

“Quinjet.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NAHAHAHAHAHAHA! The next chapter is going to be my favorite.......
> 
> Chatting with the Void on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/KnockoutRambles)  
> 


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fair warning, I take a machete to what little I know about the Spiderman universe and make a Frankenstein's monster. (Just go with it)

Tony stared resolutely at his own shimmering reflection in the door of the elevator. He was not going to look at Steve. He was not going to look at Steve. He was not going to look at how gorgeous Steve looked when he glowered. How his golden locks were deliciously out of place from his strong fingers running through them again and again and-

 

Bucky, flamethrowers and grenades! Bucky, flamethrowers and grenades! Focus, Stark!

 

“What if something has happened to him?” Steve whispered.

 

Damn it all.

 

Still not looking, Tony reached out to take hold of Steve’s hand, rubbing small circles with his thumb.

 

They both jumped at the ding of their floor and Tony tired to pull his hand away.

 

Holding tighter, Steve dragged the genius out into the empty living room of the tower. “Damn it.” He hissed as Tony tugged him towards the kitchen.

 

“What in the holy hell!” Tony shouted at the sight that greeted them.

 

A seven foot tall monstrosity of oily black flesh with green splashes, talons and needle like teeth, grinned and lets its long dexterous tongue curl and twists in their direction.

 

“Tony?” Bucky's voice echoed from somewhere behind the creature. “Uuuhhhh, I wasn't expecting you home so soon.”

 

“Exactly how long would you have needed to clean up this mess?” Scott asks as he walked around the hulking creature, waving its tongue out of his way. He was carrying several towels and was covered in paint the same green color as the splotches that decorated the creature’s skin.

 

Bucky stuck his head out from around the creature to glare in the direction that Scott had walked. “Not. Helping.” 

 

A great deal of green paint was smeared across the top half of the left side of Bucky’s face and dried into his hair.

 

“We could eat them.” The creature purred in a deep voice before shuddering and collapsing in on itself. A normal sized man in a hoodie with green paint splatters threw his hands up in the air as the black ooze retracted into him. “For the last time V! We are not eating Captain America!”

 

Without the seven foot tall Venom to hide behind, Bucky, and what he was tried to cover up, was on full display to the pissed supersoldier and genius.

 

“WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO YOUR ARM!” both Steve and Tony howled, dashing forward to trap the ex-assassin between their half shifted bodies.

 

“He grabbed a grenade. It was sweet.” Deadpool called from where he was carefully bandaging a deep gash on Peter’s arm. 

 

Peter, by far, had the most paint covering him with a white bandages wrapped against the only skin that had been cleaned. Reaching up, the spiderteen tried to tug on Wade’s mask with his unoccupied hand before being gently smacked away. 

 

“Seriously?” Tony asked, his shock fading with a resigned sigh. “The boyfriend of the guy who jumped on a grenade, just blew up his arm by grabbing one?”

 

“I know right?” Wolverine called, standing up from where he had been rummaging in the kitchen cupboards, a green cigar clenched between his teeth.

 

Steve jaw dropped and Bucky let out a triumphant shout at his reaction. “Ha! See! I knew I knew you.”

 

Logan shrugged. “I didn't deny bringing alive in the 40s, I just don't remember it. Though you’d think I'd remember that beard” 

 

“Amen to that.” Scott commented, returning to the room with Ned and Luis and several pairs of paint free clothes.

 

“Ok, that's enough.” Tony declared, climbing up onto the table and waving his tail in what he hoped was a commanding manor. “Will one of the, far too many people that I don't know, in my tower. PLEASE tell us what the FUCK happened today?! Why is Peter hurt? Why did Bucky feel the need to blow up his arm. And, WHY IS EVERYONE COVERED IN PAINT!”

 

“Oh! Oh! I got it!” Luis yelled, dashing to the center of the room and raising his arms. “So, I was at this High Tea House with my cousin Ernesto havin’ some of those finger sandwiches with the cucumber and a nice oolong from Alishan, and you know me, I really prefer a white tea but this one had these floral note, it was delightful.”   
  
“Just, wrong details.” Scott muttered, shaking his head. “Wrong details.”   
  
“Right, so Ernesto was talking about this guy Mark he met a yoga whose younger brother Sam is dating this tattoo artists Roko who works on all the members of this one gang down on 42nd street who said that their big boss has got this crazy theory. And since Ernesto and Roko are in the same book club he asked ‘what's up with this gang, man’ and Roko says that they think that that Parker kid that works for Stark is really Spiderman!”

 

-

 

“Are you sure?” Peter asked, his words slightly strained as he pulled his webs and flung his body up into the crest of his swing.

 

“As much as Luis babbles, he's usually right about these kinds of things.” Scott’s voice echoed across the intercom. “Just go hang out at the tower for a couple days. I got a couple guys looking into it.”

 

“Yes sir Mr. Lang sir.” Peter chirped

 

“Just, it's just Scott.” Scott muttered before the line went dead. 

 

“Karen, can you call Ned please?” Peter asked, landing on the side of a building.

 

“Right away.” Karen murmured before being replaced with the soft hum of the call connecting.

 

“Guy in the chair.” Ned said as he picked up the call.

 

Peter giggled and flung another web to reach a higher vantage point. “Sleep over at Avengers Tower, you in?”

 

“Hell yeah! Is Sergeant Barnes cooking? Wait, why do you need to stay at the tower?” Ned asked with the sound of rusting papers and a books coming across the call as he switched to speaker phone.

 

“Mr. Lang says someone think Peter Parker is Spiderman so I gotta lay low.” Peter said as he landed in the alleyway he had left his backpack, cursing when he saw that once again it was missing.

 

**“You really should be more careful.”** A deep voice growled out of the shadows.

 

Peter turned slowly and squinted before shrieking. “Eddie!”

 

Eddie grunted as the teen flung his entire weight into his arms and laughed, dropping back into his own voice. “Nearly got you that time kid.”

 

“You big meanies, nearly gave me a heart attack.” Peter whined, dropping to the ground and pulling off his mask.

 

**“Don't worry, we would restart you.”** Venom purred, materializing off Eddie’s shoulder and placing themselves into the V of Peter’s hands to receive a kiss on the top of their head.

 

“Venom’s there? You should totally invite them!” Ned yelled, his voice now projected from the speakerphone in Peter’s mask.

 

“Hi Ned, invite to what?” Eddie called, a little louder than necessary, sticking out a hand to keep Peter from falling over as he changed out of his suit and into street clothes.   
  


“A sleepover at Avengers Tower until I’m allowed back on the streets” Peter explained, slightly muffled as he got his head stuck in his shirt. “Movies and Mario Kart til dawn!”

 

Eddie chuckled and helped rearrange the fabric, tugging gently to reveal Peter’s head. “You got grounded again?”

 

“Someone thinks he’s Spiderman and wants to rearrange his face.” Ned explained “Peter stays out of sight until the Avengers take care of it.”

 

Venom growled.  **“Maybe we should take care of it. No one touches our Peter.”**

 

Shoving his suit back in the pack and switching Ned to his cellphone, Peter skipped backwards toward the street, waving at Eddie to follow. He had just turned to face the street when a green gloved hand seized his wrist.

 

“PETER!” Eddie screamed as the Green Goblin wrapped a cloth over Peter’s mouth and pulled his limp body up onto his hoverboard. Venom burst free, hurling themselves at the goblin with a roar. They were thrown back as two green paint grenades exploded in their face. Ears ringing and body unresponsive, all Venom could do was watch the Green Goblin carry Peter away and listen to Ned’s muffled screams.

 

-

 

James Buchanan Barnes, ex-WWII sniper, ex-Hydra super assassin, was dying. 

 

Of boredom.

 

With his current boyfriend and future boyfriend off fighting for his freedom in Washington DC, there was very little for Bucky to do besides stress. 

 

The other Avengers had been very considerate and had done their best to keep Bucky distracted from his inevitable incarceration. Clint had spent the better half of the week with Bucky, filming him fully shifted and doing goofy things for the internet. Unfortunately there was only so long Bucky could run on a treadmill with his metal forepaw weighing him down and then Clint was dragged off by Natasha for some fancy pants mission. Scott almost saved the day by promising to bring Cassie over for an epic Candyland showdown that afternoon, before canceling at the last minute. 

 

“Incoming call Sir” Friday murmured from somewhere near the ceiling of the living room.

 

Not bothering to move from his position of laying upside down on the couch with his legs dangling over the back, Bucky flicked his fingers to answer the call. “Bored-vengers Tower, James speaking.”

 

“Peters been kidnapped!” Ned’s cracked voice cried.

 

On his feet in an instant, Bucky snatched up his starkphone. “Where?” He asked, running towards the armory and calling for Friday to get a map and find him a motorcycle. 

 

Ripping open the locker Tony had reluctantly decorated with red stars, Bucky snatched up his leather jacket, flung his rifle over his shoulder and strapped on three knives.

 

“But what if someone see you?” Ned asked in a small voice from the phone’s speaker

 

Bucky reached into the back of the locker and pulled out his mask. Carefully fitting the formed plastic over the bottom half of his face and slamming the locker shut, The Winter Soldier marched towards the door. “They won't.”

 

-

 

Despite Venom’s best efforts, it took Eddie nearly twenty minutes to be able to peel himself off of the sidewalk after taking two grenades to the face. 

 

“Now his head, you can eat.” Eddie groaned, finally standing and walking over to pick up Peter’s backpack and phone. The battery had died at some point so Eddie shoved it into the bag and slung it over his shoulder.

 

**“The head will be the last thing I devour, he will need it to feel the pain.”** Venom snarled, their anger literally bubbling beneath Eddie’s skin.

 

The roar of a motorcycle engine caught Eddie attention in time to see its masked rider come barreling over the handlebars to crash into him. Thrown to the ground again Venom rolled Eddie into a kneeing position as the rider snatched up Peter’s back from the ground and yanked at the zipper.

 

Icy blue eyes turned positively arctic as they flicked from the bag to Eddie. “Where is he.” The rider growled from behind the mask as he dropped the bag and stalked towards Eddie.

 

Deep down Eddie felt Venom panic as the symbiote quickly merged themselves, a single word echoing around their mind at the sight of those eyes.  **“Predator.”**

 

The rider charged, drawing a knife and attacking as Venom overtook Eddie’s body. The knife pounced off the thick shield Venom managed to half form before loosing from the shockingly strong punch to the gut from the rider’s left fist.

 

Venom let loose a roar, sending out as many tendrils to capture the rider as they could without loosing their form but was met with precise slashes and strikes as the rider danced from gap to gap in their grip. Twisting suddenly, Venom managed to stick some of its goo into the rider’s long hair, pulled hard and was rewarded with the slightest of grunts.

 

Kicking out, the rider managed to flip himself and raised his blade to sever the his locks but it was too late. 

 

Venom let out a roar of triumph as he wrapped the upside down rider in tendrils, ceasing his struggles. Bringing the rider down, Venom smiled.  **“My Turn.”**

 

“STOP!” Scott howled, growing suddenly in front of the pair and jumping up and down while waving his arms.

 

Caught completely by surprise both Venom and the upside-down rider stared at the Antman and spoke in unison. “Scott? You know him? Of course I know him!”

 

Bucky trashed unsuccessfully against Venom’s grip. “I'm an Avenger!”

 

“Technically you're just shacked up with an Avenger, we haven’t anointed you or anything yet.” Scott corrected, earning him a glare.

 

**“So, we can't eat him then?”** Venom asked sadly.

 

Bucky turned his glare back to the anti-hero and took careful aim.

 

**“Ow!”** Venom yelped as Bucky’s boot handed squarely on their head before twisting their features into one of the best puppy eyes the world had ever seen, compete with quivering lips and a soft whimper.

 

“Seriously?” Scott asked, giving them both The Look.

 

“Once a sniper, always a sniper. Now where is Peter!” Bucky growled, continuing to struggle against Venom.

 

**“The green one took him.”** Venom muttered, melting at the memory and accidentally dropping Bucky, who still managed to land with grace.

 

“Green?” Scott asked. “The, The Green Goblin!? Son of a!”

 

Bucky rose out of his crouch and reached out to touch the violet spatters of green paint across Venom’s flesh with his metal fingers. The pattern was unmistakable, although he had never seen it made with paint. 

 

Feeling eyes on him, the soldier looked up to see the symbiote watching him with a new kind of interest and just the tip of their tongue poking out between their lips. Gently pulling away from the tendrils that had been creeping across his fingers and up his wrist, Bucky turned to hide his growing smile. “I don't care who he is, if he's crazy enough to fill grenades with paint we are going to need more fire power. I just hope we can figure out where Tony stashes his toys.”

 

**“I call driver!”** Venom howled, taking a flying leap over both Scott and Bucky’s heads before melting down to Eddie, who back-peddled furiously.

 

“Absolutely not! No! I don't care! LAST TIME YOU DROVE I NEARLY DIED! It doesn't matter if people are chases us or not, there's no way in hell I'm letting you drive!” Eddie argued with thin air.

 

“I like him.” Bucky chuckled, nudging Scott

 

-

  
  


“I never thought that the Avengers were messy people before today.” Scott muttered as he dumped the third ammo box filled with red poppy flower seed packets onto the ground.

 

Bucky stuck his head out of the closet he was searching. “We’re not messy, everyone just has their own idea on where stuff should go and it all depends on who cleaned last.”

 

“Who cleaned last?” Eddie asked before calling out in triumph at finding the extra clips to Bucky's gun under the living room couch cushions.

 

Bucky slowly leaned back out if the closet. “Loki.”

 

Scott dropped the box he had been about to open. “As in Loki, the guy who likes to hide snakes EVERYWHERE, Loki?”

 

“Yeah.” Bucky muttered, climbing out of the closet. “I'm just going to call Tony and ask. Why don't you guys check the bedrooms again.”

 

As Scott and Eddie left the living room, Bucky walked to towards the wall sized, transparent, TV screen and began punching at buttons on the remote. A few moments later, a crunch was followed by a long sigh. 

 

“Friday, can you call Tony for me?” Bucky asked, trying to keep the frustrated whine out of his voice as he dropped yet another crushed remote from his metal hand

 

“Of course, Sergeant.” Friday said, tactfully not making mention of the continued destruction of technology.

 

The screen flickered to life, showing Bucky a rather splendid close up of Tony's ass as he leaned against the table his tablet was propped up on. 

 

He opened his mouth to call to the genius but was silenced as Steve’s angry growl rippled across the speakers “Why are you helping us now?”

 

Bucky held his breath waiting for the answer to the question he hadn't had the nerve to ask.

 

Tony's fingers curled tight to the lip of the table and his voice quavered ever so slightly as he answered. “He deserves happiness. You both deserve happiness. And I will do whatever it takes to protect that happiness.”

 

Bucky took two steps forward and stumble against the coffee table, his heart filled both painfully full and empty as he watched Steve kiss they man they both loved. Watched him traced the pointed black ears he longed to nuzzle against. 

 

Bucky could feel the hungry in Steve's voice as the blonde pulled away before pushing even closer. “That one, was from Bucky. This one is from me.” 

 

Watching the two felines making out was hot to say the least, with Bucky drinking in each and every sounds that escaped Tony's lips. He leaned forward as Steve did and his fingers grazed the clips that Eddie had left on the coffee table. 

 

Reality and the reminder of a kidnapped spider came crashed down on him. Quickly straightening, Bucky cleaned his throat and tried bravely to appear like he hadn't been lapping up every second of the last few minutes. “Wow I feel bad about interrupting.”

 

Tony made another delicious little squeak and Steve chuckled.

 

“You better have given him a kiss from me before you got all grabby!” Bucky grumbled, putting on his best pout.

 

The dark twinkle in Steve's blue eyes told Bucky that the blonde wasn't buying a bit of it. “I did, he's still cognitive so obviously I didn't do your technique justice.”

 

Bucky shook his head to hide the flush creeping up his neck and tutted “Anyway, quick question, going to sound weird but just go with it. Do we have a flamethrower in the tower?”

 

Both men turned sharply to glare down at the soldier.

 

Bucky was saved from what looked like an extremely lengthy lecture, by Eddie kicking the door open while carrying a laundry basket filled with glowing blue cylinders over his head.  “No luck on giant fans but we found a box of repulser grenades, will they work?”

 

Bucky grinned and grabbed his rifle out of the arm chair “Fuck yeah they will! Let's do this!”

 

“Barnes!” Steve hollered from behind him.

 

Bucky whipped back around and waved at the screen “Gotta go, love you both, bye!”

 

“They are so going to kill you.” Scott muttered, sticking his head through the door as the call was cut off and the screen flickered away.

 

“Phfff, we'll be back in plenty of time to clean up and they'll never know anything happened.” Bucky said with a wave of his hand as he clipped the grenades onto his belt.

  
  


-

  
  


Peter awoke to find himself gagged and tied to a chair in one of the creepiest warehouses he had ever seen with a pounding headache. The quiet, ever so slightly crazed, mutterings from the Green Goblin, who was staring intently into a mirror, only added to the terrifying factor.

 

Seeing that Peter had awoken, the goblin stopped his ramblings and moved to stand in front of the helpless teen. “How anyone could think you’re Spiderman is beyond me.” He murmured in a surprisingly sane and vaguely familiar voice. 

 

“But don't worry.” The goblin continued, reaching out to stroke the side of Peter’s face. “I'll let you go as soon as those idiots are gone forever.”

 

Peters eyes went wide as he finally recognized the voice. Harry Osborn, his old friend and previous crush, who had dropped out of school and vanished from sight after his father died mysteriously.

 

**“You will let go of him right now.”** Snarled a deep voice from the shadowy rafters.

 

The goblin leapt away from Peter, eyeing the ceiling and hefting a paint grenade.

 

**“Or face your end.”** Venom purred again, this time from the rafters behind the goblin.

 

Bucky emerged from the shadows as the goblin turned away from him following Venom’s voice. He looked every inch the vengeful assassin, his golden eyes glowing from the surrounding eye black and metal mask, nine inch blade in one hand, repulsor grenade in the other with white ears erect and tail waving. He rushed the goblin, tucking the hilt of his knife around the goblin’s wrist, knocking the grenade away as Venom dropped from the rafters to charge as well.

 

The goblin kicked out, knocking Bucky to the ground and hurled another grenade that caught Venom in the chest and blasting them back. Arming a second grenade, the Green Goblin took aim at Bucky but the soldier acted first, throwing his own repulsor grenade to send out a bast of energy that knocked the paint away.

 

Peter struggled against his bonds as the three fought on, until Scott grew in front of him. Pressing a finger to the front of his helmet, Scott tugged on the ropes. Peter tried to let out a warning squeak followed by a weak whimper as the goblin tackled Scott with a howl and dragged him down to struggle on the floor. The whimper turned to a sob at the clattering of an armed paint grenade that rolled to Peter’s feet.

 

Bucky’s ears were ringing as he forced himself up off the floor, leapt over a concussed Venom and seized the grenade in his metal hand, holding it out away from Peter. The pain was sharp as the grenade went off, igniting an old memory off a long drop, a sudden stop and crimson blood on pure white snow. Bucky fell with a thud against the warehouse floor, splinters of the metal of his left arm falling like snowflakes.

 

-

 

“And that's when Logan and Wade showed up from massacring the gang that was after Peter.” Bucky explained, waving at the two X-Men. “The Green Goblin got punched a bunch of times before setting off twelve grenades at once and escaping in the chaos. We declared it a win for the good guys and came back here for showers and a variety of barbecued meats.”

 

Steve and Tony stared open mouthed at the wolf shifter.

 

“Oh, and I want Eddie and Venom to be Avengers” Bucky finished, throwing his remaining arm over Eddie who was still arguing with himself.

 

“You want to guy who eats people to be an Avenger?” Tony asked in a monotone.

 

“Ok, I see your ‘eating people’, and raise you. This.” Bucky held out his hand pointedly and Venom materialized in it and tongue bleeped.

 

“My head hurts.” Steve muttered as Tony leapt down from the table top and grabbed Bucky’s wrist.

 

“If no one else needs medical attention, I’m going to take ice for brains down to the lab and make sure he didn't do any damage to the fleshy parts of his body by acting like an idiot. Tony grumbled as he pulled Bucky towards the elevator.

 

“Oo, is that a promise.” Bucky growled, pushing his body flush with Tony’s back. “Rogers didn’t steal all your kisses did he?”

 

One loud hiss later and Bucky was left watching Tony stomp away with several long scratches down the side of his smiling face.

 

“Not the time, Barnes.” Steve said, clapping a hand to Bucky’s shoulder.

 

“Eh, it was worth it.” Bucky said with a wave of his hand.

 

“Peter! Seriously babe, no one needs to see the ugly mug under this mask.” Wade exclaimed from the kitchen, pushing Peter’s grabby hands down again.

 

“But how else and I supposed to kiss you?” Peter whined with a cheeky smile, swinging his legs on either side of Wade.

 

“No kissing till marriage!” Steve and Tony both hollered, whipping around to glare at Wade.

 

All other actions were ceased as two old guys with metal appendages, a disgraced reporter, his sentient pile of goo, a pair of ex-thieves and Ned all collapsed to the floor laughing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really didn't intend for this to take so dang long to write but like twenty things got dropped on me this last couple of weeks that made me want to do absolutely nothing what so ever, and then the holidays happened and.... I'm just going to blame the migraines and move on.
> 
> Unfortunately, the crap is never ending and I don't foresee myself updating until at least February. Sorry y'all. But I will be back with three more chapters, eventually. 
> 
> Until then, enjoy and happy holidays
> 
> Chatting with the Void on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/KnockoutRambles)  
> 


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -pokes head out from under a rock-  
> I had a snow day, so I wrote this  
> -lowers head back down to under rock town-

Bobbing his head in perfect time to My Chemical Romance, blaring at volumes that would drown out any super soldier attempts to talk about feelings, Tony readjusted his light, pulled one of the last few loose wires out and used the handle of the screwdriver that had been clamped between his lips to push Bucky’s face away for the sixth time. He really couldn't handle those soft sky blue eyes right now, especially when they inched closer and closer even after being reminded to quit wiggling damn it, you’re going to electrocute yourself!

Bucky huffed but allowed his face to be turned away from the tantalizing sight of Tony’s ever so slightly flushed cheeks and the cute little nose wiggle he did when he focused so intently. “I blame you.” He grumbled at Steve, who had been banished to the couch on the far side of the lab after causing Tony to nearly put an eye out from flailing when the blond had come up behind him to press a kiss to the column of his neck. 

“To be fair, we both knew it wouldn't be that easy to get through to him that We Both Want Him.” Steve said, raising his voice near the end to shout towards the very dump super genius.

Tony made no response but the color in his cheeks rose just that much farther as he tugged at another paint smeared wire.

“This is serious Stevie, we might have to pull out all the stops” Bucky said, putting on his serious face.

Steve grinned, standing and sashaying over. “Coney island photo booth?”

Smiling, the wolf shifter let his eyes glaze over at the memory. “Coney island photo- ahh!” Bucky broke off as Tony shoved a hand in his face suddenly. 

The genius was peering intently at the broken metal while moving Bucky via the hand smooshed into his face to get a better angle. “Crap.” He muttered, all the color draining from his face as he ripped off his headphones and threw his tools down. “Friday, get Bruce and Dr. Cho down here now.” 

“Tony?” Steve murmured, fear clenching around his throat.

The Siamese stopped for a moment and ran his hand through his hair. “This is why you don't blow up artificial limbs that were stuck on you by Nazi nut-jobs. There’s a fucking fail-safe in that damn thing that’s counting down to who knows what. We need to get it off you now.”

Bucky looked at his stump of a metal arm like it had personally insulted him. “Well then take it off, I don't want it!”

“No, no we have to cut it off, take the mounting point out entirely. We have to get you into surgery now.” Tony snapped, pulling Bucky up and pushing both him and Steve towards the elevators.

“Surgery?!” Steve all but shouted, half shifting, wrenching away from Tony and glaring around the room as if looking for someone he could fight to change what was happening.

“I know.” Tony moaned, moving forward to try and pull the super soldiers along. “I know, and I wish to hell this could be your choice but No One needs to know what Hydra considers a fail-safe, least of all the two of you.”

Steve opened his mouth to argue but couldn't find a single thing to say.

“Screw that. I'll make it my choice.” Bucky grumbled, reaching out to take hold of Tony's chin and staring into his soft brown eyes. “Tony, I choose to trust you.”

Unable to escape the calloused fingers or gentle eyes, Tony couldn't stop the flush coloring his cheeks or the stammer in his voice. “I, well I mean I, I could. That is to say if you wanted. Its, it's not done yet but.” 

“You made me an arm?” Bucky whispered, pulling Tony even closer. 

The genius was tongue tied by the beautiful beginnings of a hopeful smile spilling across the wolf shifter’s face and could only offer a half nod and shrug.

“There, see, my choice.” Bucky murmured, his smile growing as he looped his arm around Tony’s shoulders to tangle his fingers into the genius’s short locks. “Yes, I would love to have your arm.”

Both turned to look at Steve. The snow leopards ears were twitching and his tail was bushed up as it lashed about. “I don't like it.” He grumbled, forcing shift away and stepping forward to hold both of his loves. “But I trust both of you.”

-

Bucky groaned as he waded through his drug induced sleep. “Someone unglue my eyes.” He grumbled to the pair of bodies draped across him.

Steve let out a rumbling laugh as Tony popped up and peppered Bucky's eye lids with soft kisses.

“How to you feel? Sore anywhere?” Tony asked, leaving feather light touches on the white bandages wrapped over sutures and the new Stark style mounting point rebuilt into Bucky's left shoulder.

Bucky favored the genius with a huge yawl and a slow stretch. “Feel better actually, less stiff and no pain.”

“Friggin' super soldiers.” Tony grumbled, carefully peeling the bandages away to see nearly healed stitches. “Not sure why I'm surprised, had a hell of a time getting all the metal out with you healing as fast as we were cutting.”

“Gross.” Bucky murmured with a lopsided grin eyes still closed.

“I am choosing not to complain.” Steve said, burrowing closer to Bucky to kiss his neck and tug the thick layers of blankets that covered all three of them closer.

Pulling the last of the bandages away, Tony inspected the new mounting point. The skin around the chrome colored metal was still a little pink and raw looking but completely healed in the few short hours they had been napping through since Bucky had come out of surgery. 

“Besides, the faster he heals, the sooner he can try out your... What did you call it? A decade of scientific breakthroughs in a Big Black Box.” Steve continued sleepily.

“I did not call it that.” Tony objected as Bucky snorted and giggled. “But so long as White Fang here doesn't punch any walls or Nazis, I think he's healed enough to try it out.”

Bucky was up in a flash, eyes snapping open and shining with excitement as he began to babble. “Really? Yes! Please! Now! Did you put lasers on it? Or or, like a force-field? Can I levitate stuff or send out sound waves to blow up brains?”

Tony gave Bucky a long slow blink before shaking his head and lifting a black case off of the floor next to their bed. “We really need to get you some more up-to-date sci-fi novels.”

The arm itself was pure silver with opalescent blue between its panels and joints. Slimmer than its Russian predecessor, it slipped into the new mounting point with only a soft click and perfectly matched Bucky’s flesh and blood right shoulder and arm.

“Ok, I concede that you may have been correct about the weight issue.” Bucky muttered begrudgingly, although his unsuccessfully repressed smile was at odds with his words. “What did you make it out of? Feels like it's not even there.”

Tony giggled as Bucky continued to twist and flex his new toy. “I won't bore you with its Latin name, buuuuut it may be triple insulated with a heat setting that I know Stevie here won't be able to get enough of.”

Steve had the good grace to blush but the wicked mind to purr and run his tongue across his lips. “I’m not the one who had the forethought to install such a feature.”

Tony gasped, scandalized, and placed a hand to his arc reactor. “Excuse you! I was referring to your cold-flash panic attacks, not what is, apparently, your fairly adventurous sex life.”

Steve buried his now burning face in the pillows while Bucky cackled in delight.

“Moving right along, it does have a camouflage feature but I haven't worked the bugs out yet so it can only do silver mode and Ape-man mode right now. It will match your shift perfectly and without the pain I Know you were hiding from the last one. I wasn't sure you would want the super strength back so I left that out for now. And one last little trick that I am particularly proud of.” Tony continued, calling up several holo screens to check the calibrations. He tapped a few buttons and the blue seams of the arm pulse once with a soft light. Waving away the screens, Tony held out his hands to Bucky, palms up and wiggled his fingers.

Bucky rolled his eyes with a fond smile and reached out to take Tony’s hands. The metal fingers had barely grazed Tony’s hand and Bucky wrenched them away with a flinch. 

“Bucky?” Steve asked, pushing himself up to sitting as Bucky stared at his new hand.

Bucky turned and reached out, placing a single metal finger against the blond’s lips. “It… I can feel?” He whispered, shuddering as Steve ran his hand up and down the silver arm. “It's like I’ve got my arm back.”

Tony was practically vibrating in delight, shifting and kneading at the blankets as he watched the shock fade from the super soldiers, replaced by the happiness that had been missing since that damn trial had started. “Does it really feel ok? Do the receptors match your right hand?”

Bucky and Steve turned to look at the genius, both pairs of blue eyes shining and overflowing with love.

“Come ‘eh.” Bucky growled, his old Brooklyn twang coming in thick with the lump in his throat, as he plunged both hands into Tony’s fluffy locks.

Tony’s eyes flickered shut, purring at the gently pressure against his scalp and the base of his ears as Bucky’s lips met his and ohhh yes, this was definitely the man that taught Steven Grant Rogers how to kiss.

The wolf shifter took his time taking his kitten apart, pushing him down into the soft blankets and pouring every last ounce of his love into their kiss.

“Easy Buck, you'll short out his reactor.” Steve’s quite murmur pulling the two of them back.

“I uh, I guess you uh, like the, the uh arm.” Tony stammered from under the warm weight of Bucky’s body.

“I like you, dummy. We like you. Just, finally figuring out how to speak your language.” Bucky said, nuzzling against Tony’s chest and pressing a kiss to glowing circle in his chest.

Gathering the genius up, Bucky pulled him back across the bed and settled him down between himself and Steve, pulling the blankets into a full blown nest around them.

“Sirs.” Friday called quietly as they settled down. “Congress has reached a verdict.”

“Tell me.” Tony called before either Steve or Bucky could begin to panic. “Am I bringing an end to democracy? Or have they pulled their heads out of their asses?”

“Not guilty all accounts.” Friday responded, lowering the lights to level that could still be seen though but dark enough for sleep. “You’ll just have to find a different excuse to become king of America.”

“Damn fucking right not guilty.” Tony grumbled, pulling his super soldiers close enough to hear each heart beat slowly lulling him into a dreamless sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, now that we've gotten all that gross plot out of the way, its time for the even more random crack-y chapters.
> 
> Chatting with the Void on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/KnockoutRambles)  
> 


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, changing my work schedule really made me more productive.... WHY THE HELL DIDN'T I CHANGE IT SOONER!?!?!

“Whats up internet land!” Clint shouted into his phone, watching as the comments poured in. “ Today on Live With The Avengers! We will observing the eternally elusive BUCKY BARNES!”

“Like hell you are!” Bucky shouted as he dumped his arm load of pantry goods onto one of the huge islands that partitioned the Avenger’s kitchen from the rest of the spacious communal area of the tower and began fishing through his hoodie pockets for the other ingredients he had shoved there to prevent a second trip.

Clint had already switched his phone to the front camera and gave Bucky his best pout. “Oh come on! Do it for the Vine!”

Giving the archer a confused look, Bucky rested a hand on his hip. “Why would a plant make me more willing to let you broadcast my ass over the interwebs?”

“Fuck your old.” Clint grumbled letting his head loll back.

“Respect your elders bitch.” Bucky grumbled, continuing to sort through his ingredients. “And if you want to be allowed near dinner, go away.”

“Don't be a grumpy koala, Bucky Bear.” Tony crooned, jumping up to sit his ass on the counter squarely in Bucky’s way. “We all agreed to do the video series, it's good PR and shows the rest of the world that we are regular ass people with regular ass problem.”

Bucky growled, his ears coming up through the holes in his hood then laying flat as he half shifted and glared at Clint and the thousands of people that had, once again, tuned into to see how the Avengers lived.

“OH! I know!” Tony cried, clapping his hands together. “Well do a Jun’s kitchen thing! You love Jun’s kitchen! STEVEN! GET YOUR FLUFFY ASS OVER HERE AND PLAY JUN’S KITCHEN WITH US!” Tony hollered over his shoulder before stretching his arms over his head and fully shifting into a tiny, five pound, Siamese.

“I do like Jun’s kitchen.” Bucky mumbled, ears perking up as Tony purred and kneaded at the arm he had rested on the counter. “I guess I could… What?” Bucky stared down at a fully shifted Steve pawing at his leg.

“I have seen you jump, cleanly, over a twenty foot wall. You can get on the counter yourself.” Bucky grumbled.

Giving the wolf shifter his best brokenhearted eyes and quivering lip, Steve continued to paw and rub.

Bucky turned to look at Clint’s phone like he was on the office and sighed before bending down and lifting the ridiculous snow leopard onto the counter. 

Steve rumbled happily as he curled into a ball; his rumble got louder as Tony clambered up and made himself comfortable between the his shoulder blades.

Unimpressed, Bucky flicked his ears and turned back to his supplies before yelping and having to grab the counter to keep himself from falling. “Really? Really!” He growled, reaching down to scoop Loki in his snake from up off the floor and looping the trickster around his neck for safekeeping.

“Anyone else? Can I start making dinner now?!” Bucky shouted, waving his arms in the air. “Nooo! Nonono! Rhodey! Not in the kitchen!” He howled a moment later, regret stamped across his face as a huge grizzly bear came crashing down to one side of the island. 

Looking even more put out, Bucky glared around with his arms crossed. “Anyone else!?”

“Oh! Oh! Me! I wanna be a Buck’s cat!” Peter shouted, flinging his jacket and backpack onto a couch as he came running to flop down and snuggle into Rhodey’s side.

Smiling in spite of himself, the wolf shifter lifted Loki off his shoulders to hand him to the spiderling, who giggled as the snake nuzzled his cheek.

“Fine, whatever, welcome to Buck’s kitchen where we will be making whatever the fuck I want.” the wolf shifter griped, digging his apron out of a drawer.

Clint shook his head at the ridiculous garment. “Why?”

With six sets of ruffles alternating a pale blue, white and black lace, it was hardly practical for the kitchen, with ‘Kiss Me, I’m Irish” stitches across the breast.

“Because one of these days I'm going to get Steve to wear it and it's going to be amazing.” Bucky said, turning to dig through the fridge. 

“Hopefully with nothing else on underneath.” He murmured to the milk carton with a wolfish grin. He turned back with the rest of the ingredients to Clint’s stink eye and smiled benignly while wagging his tail.

“Anyways, everyone is pretty curious about you, mind if we do a Q&A?” Clint asked, trying to get the live video back on track.

“Can I stop you?”

“Nope!” Clint chirped, scrolling through the questions beginning to flood the comment box on his phone. “Well, let’s start with, what are you cooking?”

Sighing loudly, Bucky rolled his eyes. “Vegetable curry and bao buns, if you must know.”

Clint opened his mouth to comment but was cut of by the filthiest of moans that rolled past Peter’s lips and the mentions of the food.

All eyes slowly turned to stare at the teen. “You.” Bucky said, holding up a metal finger, “Are too damn young, to know how to moan like that! Do we need to have the talk? Am I going to have to castrate Wade!”

Peter blushed but snorted and waved a hand. “Even if you did it wouldn't stick.”

“Ok, that's enough talk about Wade’s dick.” Clint grumbled. “Next is… well there's a lot of hair care questions.”

“L’Oréal.” Bucky said, striking a pose and shooting a sultry look over his shoulder. “Because I'm worth it.”

“I can't tell if you just know random shit or pretend not to know the internet exists until the most opportune moments to drive me mad.” Clint grumbled, flicking through the laughter pouring in the comments.

“Actually, I taught him that one.” Peter said with a grin. “Shuri and I hold meme lessons every Thursday if you’re interested.”

Humming and shrugging, Clint went back to his phone “Ok, you learn something new every day.”

Bucky paused in mixing the pork filling to lift up his bottle of Worcestershire sauce a wiggle it at Clint. “Has anyone dared me to take a shot of this yet?”

Clint’s eyes raised slowly to stare at the wolf shiter’s shit eating grin. “No. No, Barnes, don't do it! DON'T DO IT BARNES!”

Vaulting over the island, Clint drop his phone and tried to wrestle the bottle away without much success. The video fuzzed in and out with the sounds of Clint gagging and Bucky laughing before coming back into focus in the hands of Peter, who now had a hawk sulking in his lap. “How much of that did you put in there?” The teen asked, readjusting the zoom to keep Bucky in shot.

“About that much.” Bucky said, plopping his prepared buns into the bamboo steamer basket he had set up on the stove.

“And how long do they cook for?” Peter asked.

“Till there done”

“Right, well now that that is all cleared up, are you ready for more questions?”

Running his tongue across his fangs and lips to chase a drop of the brown sauce he had swigged, Bucky waved a hand at Peter to continue.

“Well, a lot of them want to know your sexuality,” Peter said before quickly adding, “If you feel comfortable saying that is.”

Bucky shrugged and stirred his curry. “Sure, and as a highly trained assassin I am fully qualified to show anyone who has a problem with it the exact location they can shove their opinion.” setting down his spoon and turning to face the camera, Bucky put on his best bedroom eyes and grinned. “I am gay as the fourth of July.”

Peter was about to comment on the flood of love and acceptance that was coming across from their viewers when a thought struck him. “That's a very specific saying that just so happened to be coined during World War II.”

“Is it?” Bucky asked, still smiling as he turned back to his cooking.

Clint leapt from Peter’s arms, falling out of his shift and seizing the front of Bucky’s hoodie. “OH MY GOD DID YOU MAKE THAT UP!?!?”

Bucky shrugged and glanced up at the ceiling. “Friday, can you let everyone else know dinner is ready?”

Clint hugged the wolf shifter. “I take it all back I love you! You slutty little weirdo!”

“Love you too Clint, now take your phone so Peter can set the table.” Bucky said, patting the hawk’s back.

Peter handed off the phone and accepted a handful of silverware from a deshifted Tony sitting on the counter. Steve leapt off the counter, dropping his shift before he feet touched the ground and gathered the plates.

Letting himself be shooed out of the kitchen, Clint moved to hold his phone in selfie mode to show all of the Avengers gathering around the table. “Well that does it folks! Hope you all enjoyed this little behind the scenes tour of the Avengers. We are proud to show you that we are just one big dysfunctional but all together loving, found family. We are always there for each other and we will always be there for you!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, this chapter was heavy on the dialog, but the next chapter is heavy on the descriptions so it evens out.
> 
> Chatting with the Void on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/KnockoutRambles)  
> 


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